20 July 2015


Nonsense and Some Sense Verse Smackdown, Final Winner!
(Revisit Round 1, Round 2, the Musical Intermission, Round 3A, Round 3B, and Round 4)


Our champion is a very busy man, so when we (you know, the editorial we) tried to reach him for a comment on his victory, we were told that he could make time to answer only one question. And that question was almost "Which Eurovision song do you think has the best lyrics?" because the editor-in-chief is a troll. Albeit a sincere one. But in the end, also a conscientious one. Which is why that question ended up being:

"Do you have any advice on writing poetry?"

And true to form, Carroll's answer rhymed and scanned like nobody's business . . .

Poeta Fit, Non Nascitur

"How shall I be a poet?
How shall I write in rhyme?
You told me once 'the very wish
Partook of the sublime.'
Then tell me how! Don't put me off
With your 'another time'!"

The old man smiled to see him,
To hear his sudden sally;
He liked the lad to speak his mind
And thought "There’s no hum-drum in him,
Nor any shilly-shally."

"And would you be a poet
Before you've been to school?
Ah, well! I hardly thought you
So absolute a fool.
First learn to be spasmodic--
A very simple rule.

"For first you write a sentence,
And then you chop it small;
Then mix the bits, and sort them out
Just as they chance to fall:
The order of the phrases makes
No difference at all.

"Then, if you'd be impressive,
Remember what I say,
That abstract qualities begin
With capitals alway:
The True, the Good, the Beautiful--
Those are the things that pay!

"Next, when you are describing
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don't state the matter plainly,
But put it in a hint;
And learn to look at all things
With a sort of mental squint."

"For instance, if I wished, Sir,
Of mutton-pies to tell,
Should I say 'dreams of fleecy flocks
Pent in a wheaten cell'?"
"Why, yes," the old man said: "that phrase
Would answer very well.

"Then fourthly, there are epithets
That suit with any word--
As well as Harvey's Reading Sauce
With fish, or flesh, or bird--
Of these, 'wild,' 'lonely,' 'weary,' 'strange,'
Are much to be preferred."

"And will it do, O will it do
To take them in a lump--
As 'the wild man went his weary way
To a strange and lonely pump'?"
"Nay, nay! You must not hastily
To such conclusions jump.

"Such epithets, like pepper,
Give zest to what you write;
And, if you strew them sparely,
They whet the appetite:
But if you lay them on too thick,
You spoil the matter quite!

"Last, as to the arrangement:
Your reader, you should show him,
Must take what information he
Can get, and look for no im-
mature disclosure of the drift
And purpose of your poem.

"Therefore, to test his patience--
How much he can endure--
Mention no places, names, or dates,
And evermore be sure
Throughout the poem to be found
Consistently obscure.

"First fix upon the limit
To which it shall extend:
Then fill it up with 'Padding'
(Beg some of any friend):
You place towards the end."

"And what is a Sensation,
Grandfather, tell me, pray?
I think I never heard the word
So used before to-day:
Be kind enough to mention one
'Exempli gratiĆ¢.'"

And the old man, looking sadly
Across the garden-lawn,
Where here and there a dew-drop
Yet glittered in the dawn,
Said "Go to the Adelphi,
And see the 'Colleen Bawn.'

"The word is due to Boucicault--
The theory is his,
Where Life becomes a Spasm,
And History a Whiz:
If that is not Sensation,
I don't know what it is.

"Now try your hand, ere Fancy
Have lost its present glow--"
"And then," his grandson added,
"We'll publish it, you know:
Green cloth—gold-lettered at the back--
In duodecimo!"

Then proudly smiled that old man
To see the eager lad
Rush madly for his pen and ink
And for his blotting-pad--
But, when he thought of publishing,
His face grew stern and sad.

Thanks to everyone who participated with their votes and/or comments, namely: Amy, Bat, Brandon, Christopher, Mrs. Darwin, Sheila, and Stilwell. (I really hope I didn't miss anyone!)

Some of you were also playing for points, which means there is a second winner's announcement that you are looking forward to. Without any further chatter from me, here it is . . .

a Rafflecopter giveaway


I've already sent you an e-mail. Let me know what you book you want for your prize! =D

Image Source: Lewis Carroll


cyurkanin said...

Congratulations, Sheila :)

Brandon said...

Congratulations, Sheila!

Belfry Bat said...

Calooh! Calay!

mrsdarwin said...

Congrats to Sheila, and thanks to you, E., for running such a fun smack down!

Sheila said...

Am I expected to give a speech?

Hooray for Lewis Carroll! Hooray for me! Hooray for our gracious hostess!

*mic drop*

Enbrethiliel said...


Thanks again, everyone! =)