Thirteen Things about Sharknado
13. There's a reason why every mention of Sharknado that takes longer than ten seconds also brings up Twitter. It's not because the former just happened to shock everyone by trending worldwide on the latter, but because there is no parallel universe in which the same thing did not also happen. This includes those parallel universes in which Twitter does not exist. =P
I realised that when I finally sat down to watch it, having consciously decided not to livetweet it. What a surprisingly bad idea! LOL!
12. Had I been tweeting, there would have been one in my feed that went like this . . .
Those flooded streets aren't in Los Angeles! They're in the Philippines! #Sharknado #OndoyMemories
Don't you think I'd recognise stock footage of streets in my own city? Silly Sharknado crew.
11. But there is one American home which gets flooded--and I'll leave the residents of Beverly Hills to judge the accuracy of the art direction of that set.
Okay, okay, I'm just messing with you now. That's not "the Sharknado house." =) But it is another famous Hollywood set and your hint is buried somewhere else in this post.
10. Now for the real house, where the ground floor gets flooded right after a shark surfs in via one of the rear windows.
Oh, that poor book . . . =(
I nearly lost it when the waist-high water in the front hall stayed where it was even after the family opened the front door and escaped into an unflooded driveway on the same level . . . and then did lose it after the water came blasting out of front windows which were too high for it only a second ago.
9. And have I mentioned that this house bursting with water is on an unsubmerged hill?
It's not clear why it completely shatters from shark-infested waters while the home right next to it weathers the storm with ease. Unless the filmmakers were deliberately shooting for "so-bad-it's-good" status, in which case, they hit the bull's eye! =D Or unless it were an allegory! Read on . . .
8. Have you noticed all the recent stories in which a divorced husband and distant father has to save a family fed up with him from a threat which only he can really see and which they have to trust him on? The best example is probably the movie Taken, which I didn't review here; but the closest in template to Sharknado is the movie 2012, which I did write Fourteen Things about!
It is an awkward family dynamic which says a lot about the audience happy to watch it work itself out. There's something about divorce and remarriage which doesn't sit well with us, or else we wouldn't let an ex-husband with a crazy message have all the authority of Hamlet's father's ghost.
7. The juxtaposition of the broken nuclear family with environmental catastrophes is especially interesting. First note that the breakup of the family doesn't cause the calamities, which would have happened anyway. Sharknado doesn't lecture us about unscrupulous and unsustainable shark fishing practices, though it might take for granted that we'd assume three freak tornadoes in Southern California are a result of "global warming." After tossing the activists a
And of course, this is a symbol. These movies must be about nature (or as in Taken, about "aliens") because if they depicted what really happens when divorce and remarriage are normalised,
6. Yet it makes sense that an "ex-husband figure" warning you about a supervolcano, sharks in the streets or a foreigner-run sex slavery ring is far more sympathetic than an "ex-husband figure" warning you of the consequences of children not having their father around. And really, inasmuch as a foreigner-run sex slavery ring is closest in appearance to a widespread state of fatherlessness, it is the least likely of these scenarios to be believed by an "ex-wife figure." Which is how that movie works out.
5. Next question! Have you noticed all the other recent stories in which a decent yet underestimated fellow suddenly becomes a hero thanks to some crazy external event? The best example is the movie which gave us this semi-gnostic exchange:
"Are you telling me that I can dodge bullets?"
"I'm telling you that when you're ready, you won't have to."
Name that film!!!
There is a real desire to be extraordinary these days, but people seem to want it without having to do any of the hard work or to show any of the dedication that it actually takes. For them, three tornadoes teeming with killer sharks aren't a horrible calamity, but an opportunity to shine.
4. Which explains the character arc of the increasingly shiny ex-husband hero of Sharknado. SPOILER ALERT!!! (You may have to stop reading the rest of the post. #sorrynotsorry) Do you think he shines at the end because he gets his family back? That's only if you assume it wasn't his fault that his family left--which is what the initial setup wants you to think. Now, it does initially seem as if his ex-wife had been happy to get a divorce from a washed up surfer whose only source of livelihood is a slightly tacky beach restaurant: after all, her second husband is a guy who can afford a huge house with a pool in Beverly Hills and private schools for her children. But if that were the case, why does the ending hint that there will be a permanent reunion of the original couple, although his financial prospects are now even worse?
Yes, he's covered in blood and guts, and they're kissing
It's because money and lifestyle were never the problem. The ex-wife's issues aside, the ex-husband was also happy to get a divorce from a woman who never needed him to save her from sharks . . . until a selachian storm finally blew into town, nearly twenty years after the wedding.
I'm totally serious here. The woman asks, "Why won't my man have sex with me?" and Sharknado spells it out for her in exquisite detail.
3. And it's not only the ex-wife who must have wondered about it. The ex-husband also has no interest in the voluptuous, bikini-clad waitress who comes on to him every day.
Nope, not even after she takes on a shark with a shotgun. In snug short shorts. (Men these days, aye, Nova?)
2. Rounding out the cast's "Scooby Gang" are a gung-ho Australian expat and an aging alcoholic. Just because you never really know who will be useful to have around during a crisis.
1. Finally, if you're wondering about how Sharknado rates as an action movie, you can watch the fan-made spoiler spree which was what got me to watch it . . .
Just be warned that the editing of this video is of much higher quality than the editing of the actual movie. =P
Image Sources: a) Sharknado poster, b) Beverly Hills 90210 Walsh house, c) Sharknado screen cap, d) Sharknado house, e) 2012 movie poster, f) Sharknado kiss, g) Nova