(Joining the weekly "Top Ten Picks" meme at Random Ramblings)
Worst Books You've Ever Read
When Jillian announced this topic a couple of weeks ago, I thought I would have to pass. I may seem to delight in my snarkiness, but I don't actually like featuring anything "bad" unless I think it has something "good" in it to redeem it. I do like most of the stuff I publicly put down (at least on this blog); and for the same reason I had decided to do only "Top 5 Lists" and no "Bottom 5 Lists", I was planning to wait for the next "Top Ten Picks" topic from Jillian before joining her link up again.
Obviously, my "bad" side won out! LOL!
Just so that I don't feel too horribly guilty for "trashing" these books in public, I'm not going to reveal their titles! I will, however, leave enough clues for interested readers to make some educated guesses. =)
First clue: The books are listed in alphabetical order!
Even if I could get over the author's "style" of telling rather than showing (and doing even that really badly), how can one gloss over an ending that makes this novel worthy to open a "Tenner" made up mostly of books that get sex all wrong? (One can't!)
This book is proof that there is no bigger anti-Catholic than an ex-Catholic: it features sex-obsessed seminarians, a priest who believes that counting more than 100 stars at a time is a sin, a retarded girl who is abused at Lourdes, a boy whose tongue is slit with a knife after he prays a string of Hail Marys, teenagers who fornicate on Good Friday (if I remember correctly) and a main character who finds the religion he is looking for in a book by T. Lobsang Rampa. (And that's just half of it, really . . .)
The x2 -a-
I know the author is supposed to specialise in this kind of pulpy fiction, but a mystery involving aliens who are upset at the ways we are abusing the environment, which is cracked open by a military man still pining away after an ex-wife who supposedly always slept naked, crosses the line from pulp to polemic. (Even when she had her period, she slept naked?)
After a man's home is hit by lightning one night, he finds himself playing "God" to a universe of beings living inside his computer--and trying to get them to have as much sex as possible, not so he can watch or anything, but because he, as their "God," knows that it's for their own good. (If the author were a Christian writer--which is the case--would this count as blasphemy?)
What kind of Romance novel has a happy ending that requires the time traveling lovers to convince a creepy man to seduce a happily married woman as often as it takes to get her pregnant, just so one of the lovers can be sure of being born in the future? (Do you see why time travel must be done right in stories or not at all???)
The (minus) a
Let's just say that the moral of this story is that an emotionally troubled and vulnerable fourteen-year-old boy who is sexually initiated by an older man who is like a father to him, only got what he was asking for and what he probably needed in order to move on with his life. (In other words, don't expect what you saw in the movie!)
A philandering husband wants his wife to accept responsibility for her naivete in believing his professions of love when he was duping her into marrying him, because he suddenly needs to have sex with her again (for an heir, you know) . . . and eventually grows up himself after discovering he has, in the meantime, sired an illegitimate son with another woman who fell foolishly in love with him and will be heartbroken forever because he'll never leave his legal
The main character spends the entire novel wallowing in self-pity, using other people for her own secret ends, and worrying all those who really love her, then asks at the end, when finally made accountable for one of her selfish choices, "What did I do to deserve this?" (Oh, I'll tell you, you pale little princess . . .)
This collection of propaganda essays attempts to explain why the writer's novels are the best books ever written, why all other novels fall short of the mark because their own authors aren't as smart as this writer, and why everyone who disagrees is either stupid or evil. (Seriously.)
Easily the worst novel I had to read for uni: all the characters treat everyone around them (including each other) like crap; the "heroine" in particular is especially awful whenever she thinks her father is trying to force her to conform, when all he wants to do was speak to her as if she were a reasonable person (which she probably isn't); and despite the title, the author seems to hate women. (I'm still not sure why this is a "Great Book".)
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