Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie Smackdown, Round 2
(Revisit Round 1)
Someone who runs a movie blog started following me this week. It's probably because some of Schwarzenegger's natural coolness rubbed off on me. This smackdown is gold!
The "Hasta La Vista, Baby!" Eight
True Lies vs. Conan the Barbarian
This pairing doesn't make sense to me, either. It's the logic of Random.org. True Lies may be great fun, but it's really Helen Tasker's story--and James Cameron's transition movie bridging his Schwarzenegger period and his Chick Flick period. And now that I think about it, Conan the Barbarian was a kind of transition movie for Schwarzenegger, too, bridging his B-movie body builder period and his Hollywood heavyweight period. So there's really only one way this choice can go . . .
Winner: Conan the Barbarian--because I could listen to Basil Poledouris' score all night, but fall asleep if I had to watch Cameron's tiresomely expensive Harrier sequence again.
Terminator 2 vs. Last Action Hero
This feels like John Connor vs. Danny Madigan. Young John learns that all the impossible stories his crazy mother has been telling him for years are true, after all; young Danny discovers what it's like to step into an impossible story and make it come true. But as always, Schwarzenegger's character is at the heart of both movies: as the T-850, he has to learn how to blend in a little more ("Talk to the hand"); as Jack Slater, he has to learn how to come to terms with being a freaking fictional character ("I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger" . . . ROFLMAO!!!).
Winner: Last Action Hero--because I'm seriously looking forward to watching it again.
Total Recall vs. Kindergarten Cop
So . . . should I get my ass to Mars or to Astoria, Oregon? For, yes, this is all about setting: Quaid/Hauser's adventures are essentially Martian and futuristic, while John Kimble's redemption could only have been forced upon him in "the single
Winner: Total Recall--because I have yet to sit through a viewing which doesn't show me something new and amazing . . . and because I think I'm kind of done chewing on that single motherhood bone.
The Terminator vs. Predator
This pairing makes me weep. It really does. I wish these two had come together in the next round instead of this one so that I could have watched them both. For "Kyle Reese vs. the T-800" and "Dutch vs. the Predator" are both truly excellent face-offs deserving serious consideration from any Action Movie buff. Of course, now that I think about it, Reese isn't the one who takes the T-800 out at the end, is he?
Winner: The Terminator--because Sarah Connor makes the difference.