17 February 2010

+JMJ+

NSf(Ash)Wednesday

Did you follow me here from Sancta Sanctis?

If so, that might not have been wise.

Here is a video that reflects, with uncanny accuracy, what my transition--nay, my transformation--from Catholic blogger to Something Else Entirely actually means . . .


I had to watch a lot of fan videos before I found this. Even the song totally fits: the title is Midlife Crisis and the band is Faith No More (!!!). Just don't listen too closely to the lyrics, because they're all over the place.



A friend once told me that there are no hot female werewolves.
He obviously never saw this movie.

(Yes, it's still "Women in Horror" Month . . .
and I still have a few Horror Blogger aspirations.)

Werewolf stories make up a great branch of the Horror tree. Why did I never really notice them before? Vampires are so last millennium. Anyone who needs more than a decade of this millennium to figure it out desperately needs to get a clue. Here's the final battle scene from Van Helsing (with audio disabled, unfortunately) to prove my point:


And now here's my own story. It may not be a werewolf story, but it comes very close.

You see, something happened to me last November--something I've only recently come to terms with. Never mind the details, as I don't remember them myself. It can't have been scary and I wasn't afraid. Heck, I obviously didn't even know there was anything to be afraid of--and in hindsight, I suppose that is because there was nothing to be afraid of. Even the bite, if there was one, must have been painless.

If you know a lot about werewolves, then you know that there is always a period of grace before the first transformation. A werewolf is bitten during one full moon, but doesn't turn until the next full moon--and the sudden turning is almost always unexpected. It is portrayed as painful and traumatic to the new werewolf, who doesn't have a proper pack to ease him into his new existence. (Well, of course a werewolf would need some sort of pack. A werepack, if you will.) Yet I think the real struggle comes when the werewolf changes back into a human, especially if he has the memories of his first night as a monster.

For that is precisely what happened to me and what I have to live with now. As I read the clues of my personal horror story, I believe that I was bitten by some Catholic "weretrad" with an insatiable blood lust for recent converts whose Protestant backgrounds make them think it's okay to put a price tag on the evangelisation they are now doing for the Catholic Church. (Yeah, I'm a self-righteous monster.) Some of them are nice people who probably don't realise they may be doing more harm than good. And boy, are they fun to rip into . . . especially when their biggest fans are watching.


Nobody enjoyed my first (and last) "Bad Catholic" Month more than I did. But that was also when I realised it was time to leave the Catholic blogosphere. Even a werewolf who loses his rational mind every night of the full moon can be a responsible moral agent when he comes back to himself. He has time to take precautions, to build a reinforced cage for himself, to provide understanding friends with the key to let him out after he returns (and with enough tranquilising darts to bring down a dinosaur in case he breaks loose), etc.

My first night in that cage, I wrote one of the best posts I've never published: Top 10 Most Overrated Writers in the Catholic Blogosphere. If you e-mail me, I'll send you the entire draft, but it's really not for general publication. You never know how squeamish a drive-by reader might be, and that post kind of goes for the guts.

Not that absconding to Shredded Cheddar means that I think I now have a license to rip into people. It just means that I am officially no longer a Catholic Blogger in Good Standing and that everyone more than passingly familiar with Sancta Sanctis should now consider himself warned.

Image Source: An American Werewolf in Paris poster

15 comments:

Warren said...

Hows that Human Being Blogger thing working out for ya? :-)

Some Christians (catholic and otherwise) get so incredibly on my nerves with "how they do Christian" that I like to say to them, that I'm a human being first, and foremost, and Christian second. And what do I mean by that? The Glory of God is man (and woman, of course), fully alive.

W

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

You mean "Werepunk Blogger" thing, right? I think it's about to get worse! =P

Paul Stilwell said...

Werewolves, and more specifically Wolfman (I prefer the werewolf retaining the general man-shape), are among my absolute favourites. I never got into vampires. I still believe to this day that the scariest wolfman is in Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein. The real scariness is in the building of "the reinforced cage", knowing the transformation is coming, and the poor man begging some other person to lock him up because in just a few minutes he's going to turn into a werewolf, and the other person, poor igonarant wretch who won't believe him, is going to get it good.

I've actually been dreaming about a werewolf comic book, black and white, very classical in feel. Because, well, good werewolf stories are lacking.

Did I mention I like werewolves?

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

Paul, I knew there was a reason we got along so well!

Have you seen (or are you going to see) the new Wolfman? I'm still trying to hustle at least one friend to watch it with me. If I get desperate, I'll go to the cinema alone (which is what I did when nobody wanted to watch Gran Torino . . . or Taken . . . or Shake, Rattle & Roll XI), but that's not half as fun!

So far, my scariest werewolf moment is from An American Werewolf in Paris (which isn't that great, though it has its moments). In case you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it for you (LOL), but it has an interesting twist on the reinforced cage motif! ;)

If you ever draw that comic book, I'll be first in line to buy an autographed copy.

PS -- Obviously, this second attempt to scare off my readers didn't work for you, either. =P

Paul Stilwell said...

Nothing like common ground between lycanthropes!

As much as the new Wolfman entices me, something about the preview tells me I'm not going to like it. Everything now has to be so slick. But previews can be deceptive. I have a friend who will pretty much go to see anything I insist on, though I too have been a cinema loner more times than I can count. So, I guess if I find myself at the cinema soon, The Wolfman will be it, but I'm not in a rush to see it.

And I haven't seen An American Werewolf in Paris either - thank you for not spoiling it for me ;) - but I'm definitely going to see it now that you mention this very interesting twist on the reinforced cage motif.

You get first copy, free!

I had to laugh by the way at the video in this post with the blood spattering the train window (very nice attempt).

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

Thanks, but apparently it wasn't as full-proof an attempt to scare readers off as I thought it was! =S

What does a LycanCath have to do these days???

Anyway, I've decided to put a warning on the sidebar . . .

I shall await that free, autographed, and personally dedicated copy! =D

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael said...

Actually I think you might be better as a VampCath rather than a LycanCath. That way when some guy comes along and thinks you are cute and all that, you can lead him along until the appropriate time and then sink your fangs, forever converting him. =)

There, I think this corrected post reads much better. ;-)

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

But vampires are so last millennium . . .

And you might want to watch An American Werewolf in Paris to see a cute werewolf who can give those vampire temptresses a run for their fangs. ;)

Michael said...

The difference is that with a cute vampire you will never know what hit you until its too late. With a werewolf you do have some advance warning (though admittedly not much). :-)

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

Or so you think!

As the myth is developing, it seems that as long as one is bitten by a werewolf--even a werewolf still in human form--then one gets to be a werewolf, too. The main problem with this scenario is that I think the one-month period of grace (which is really a period of ignorant bliss; the grace can come, as a savage mercy, much later) is as essential to the werewolf myth as the bite.

Michael said...

It looks like lycans and werewolves have much in common, as the lycan mythology has evolved quite a bit as well, at least in recent Hollywood movies.

Well, then, I take back what I said. You are good to go!

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

I've been going for months! Isn't that the problem??? LOL

Michael said...

Ha! Not a problem from my vantage point, although you already know that. =)

But in the context here (i.e. my first comment - catching some unsuspecting gent off guard) I have no idea, LOL!

Michael said...

Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

That should be vampires and werewolves, not lycans and werewolves!

I really should stop commenting on your blog. It is one thing to be thought a fool, it is another thing to open your mouth and dispel all doubt.